two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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