How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
