To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
