just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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