That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
