Sry I called you an 8
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
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