i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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