Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
