he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
