How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
