She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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