I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
