glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
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next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
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I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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