Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
