I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize