remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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