Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
