im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
