i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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