I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
We were destined to go to rehab together
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
