I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
