I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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