Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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