he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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