Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
