I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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