So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
