Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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