It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
