I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
