i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
