I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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