So drunk its hurt
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
