i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
