I like to think it a success when the cops are called
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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