she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize