You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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