Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
