What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
