I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
