We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
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I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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