I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
