They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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