I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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