Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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