I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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