Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
