woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
