First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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