The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize