Im at strip club and am horny
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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