In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
