As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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