pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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