so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
